


하루만

by LexiieK



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Heavy Angst, Light Dom/sub, like really soft dom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-07 05:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7701766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiieK/pseuds/LexiieK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Just One Day)</p><p>Anon Request: “Could you write a shownu smut please? A slight angst and dominance.”</p><p>Song: BTS - Just One Day</p>
            </blockquote>





	하루만

**Author's Note:**

> The angst in this is not in any way shape or form slight and I’m so sorry for that. I’m debating on writing a part two to this and make it into a happy ending, but for now this is it.  
> I honestly have no idea what happened here, I tried to just dip a toe in the angst pool and some how slip and fell in the deep end and no matter how much I tried to claw my way out, it kept grabbing me and pulling me back in. I’m sorry!!  
> Also, the dominance in this isn’t a hardcore, rough dominance that most people associate with the word, I made it a lot more soft and dominant in a way that it’s clear you belong to Shownu in that moment and he controls everything. Which is in my personal opinion is not nearly shown enough. Soft dom is a thing and it has the potential to be very beautiful. And so I decided to showcase that side of dominance as well.  
> And I know this is probably 100% not what the anon wanted, but this is why I ask you guys to be as specific as possible because once my mind goes off, it’s absolute hell trying to reel it back in and 99% if the time, I just give up and let it do what it wants. It’s just easier to make it do what you guys want when I have some set boundaries and a set direction in which I should go in.  
> In conclusion to the longest AN I have ever written, I’m sorry anon for the not so slight angst and the very slight smut when you asked for slight angst and smut. If you would like a part two to this where it turns into a happily ever after, let me know and I’ll see what I can do. Even if I have to beat my brain into submission, I definitely will.

**"Can you please stay with me?"**

* * *

 

Your fingers close over a book on the table next to you and you hurl it. It cracks against the door and falls to a heap on the floor. You stare at it, tears rolling down your cheeks. Pages are twisted and bent, the spine split neatly in half from the force of your throw.

“I can’t. I won’t be your secret anymore.” You say as you look up at him. The pressure in your chest increases as tears well in your eyes. Hyunwoo had promised you pleasure, and he had given you exactly that, but there had always been a set rule to this: it was just sex, it could not be anything more. Hyunwoo had worked too hard to get to this point in his career and he couldn’t afford to take any chances. Except somewhere along the line, you’d forgotten the most important rule. You had fallen in love with him. And you couldn’t help but think how stupid you had been to think he had fallen with you.

You’re eyes connect with his and you’re met with a mask of resignation. The fire in them has gone out, replaced instead by something cold, unreadable, and hard. Hyunwoo’s jaw is set and he looks past you out the window. The awareness that usually accompanies his presence flees your body as numbness creeps through you.

Broken.

Misused.

Abandoned.

Your knees buckle as you drop to the floor. Hyunwoo flinches, but he doesn’t move. A part of you that you wasn’t even aware existed, the part of you that expects him to take you in his arms and comfort you, dies.

You had ignored all the warnings you’d been given to guard yourself against him. You’d even ignored your instinct that he would break you.

And he had.

The agony of his rejection claws through you, slicing you open and leaving you to bleed out slowly. But, you realize, you have been broken before and it is this realization alone that allows you to gather the strength to push to your feet. You sway once, catching yourself on the table, and then stand. You stand despite your sorrow and confusion. You stand when all you want to do is lie back down and waste away.

You stand.

And that alone makes you strong enough to give Hyunwoo one last piece of yourself.

You take in a shaky breath and come towards him until you’re standing less than an inch away. Hyunwoo gazes coolly at you and waits, remaining distant and removed.

You want to touch him, to trail your finger across his beautiful jawline or run your hands across his shoulders. You never imagined that in this moment you wouldn’t be able to touch him.

Trembling with tears as you open your mouth, you force him to hear the words he didn’t want you to say. “I love you, Son Hyunwoo.”

His eyes close and for one beautiful moment the distance between the two of you fade. You feel your proclamation wash over him, see it take hold of his body, and watches as he shifts on the spot.

You watch him break for you.

But when he opens his eyes again, the hardness remains. “That wasn’t part of the arrangement.”

You expect the words, but having to actually listen and live with his reaction to your proclamation, crushes you. A sob wrenches through you and you flee the room. You refuse to let him see you cry. Never again.

The tears fall hard and fast, tremors racking through your body as you stagger to a halt. Your back hits the wall of the hallway and you crumple to the ground. You break down as everything except your heartbreak ceased to matter.

You succumbed to darkness as pain pulls you under. You had trusted him, had given yourself to him and he had destroyed you.

Hands lift you from the darkness and cradles you tenderly. When you open your eyes, you are still very much in the middle of a nightmare. Hoseok holds you steady in his arms, carrying you to his room, whispering small words of comfort that did nothing to alleviate the agony ripping through you.

As he lays you down on his bed, you force yourself to speak. “I need to leave.”

“You should rest.” He suggests in a gentle voice. “I’ll make sure nobody bothers you.”

“Please, II need to go home. I can’t stay here.” You shudder out, almost violently shaking your head.

“I’ll give Kimi a call.” Hoseok agrees, not arguing further. “Y/N, you don’t have to tell me, but what happened?”

“I fell in love with him.” You say, words brittle and unwanted on your lips.

Hoseok doesn’t speak, but his arms tighten around you. You both understand that sometimes love isn’t enough.

\--

You turn the keychain over in your hand, staring down at the ‘5C’ and the 4 numbers underneath it that are printed on the back, attempting to figure out the meaning behind it. It’s existence was as unfathomable to you as Hyunwoo’s absence from your life. Two weeks later, and you are still trying to convince yourself that what you had done was the right thing. There’d been no word from him. No phone calls. Your only means of contact with him was the music shows on TV you couldn’t stop yourself from watching.

Seeing him never failed to make you bitter. He certainly wasn’t sitting at home, forcing himself to eat and get dressed every morning. He hadn’t forgotten how to breath without you. In fact, the only indication you had that he regretted what had happened was the stupid keychain with the Monsta X logo on the front.

The only thing you knew for certain about the keychain was where it came from. If had arrived mid-week in a cream envelope that contained nothing except your name written on the front and his signature scrawled across the back where it had been sealed.

There had been no explanation included. No apology. No plea for another chance. The envelope had simply contained the key and a notecard with an address and today’s date scribbled on it.

You opt for a pair of well worn, comfortable jeans and a simple tank top, You have no clue what awaits you, but you sure as hell aren’t out to impress a single person today. The plan was extremely simple. Get in. Get out. Get over it.

You breath hitches when the cab slows to a stop in front of a rather impressive apartment building.

“We’re here, Miss.” The cabbie announces.

Your throat refuses to work, so you just nod and shove cash into his hand.

You clutch the keychain tightly as you make your way inside and up to the 5th floor. Your heart jumps in your chest as you exit the elevator and stand outside of the designated apartment. You take a deep breath and enters the four numbers into the keypad. The light turns green as a beep indicates the door was now unlocked.

You  stand outside the door not bothering to turn the handle as tears well in your eyes. Just then the door opens, startling you. The sight of Hyunwoo knocks the air from your lungs and you gasp as you try and remember how to breathe. You had spent the last two weeks dreaming of his face, but seeing him before you makes you realize those fantasies wasn’t even close to his actual beauty. The shock of black hair, The perfect lines of his face. The delicious curve of his jaw, the full lips, and the chocolate eyes that draw you to him, burning you with their intensity as you drown in them.

Hyunwoo’s shirt was unbuttoned, revealing his chest and stomach. His jeans hung low on his hips. At the sight of his delicious body, yours decides to betray you, responding instinctively to the magnetic energy sizzling between you.

‘This was a mistake.’ You think to yourself as you continue to stare.

Whatever reason he had for asking you to come here, it had been a mistake to come. The tears fall freely down your cheeks, and you don’t try to stop them. The pressure in your chest builds until you heave with unrestrained yearning.

Hyunwoo reaches out and coils his arm around your waist. You stare wide eyed up at him and can’t bring yourself to pull away. His mouth silences your fears as it presses against yours. The kiss is tender and hesitant, and his lips move slowly. Salt mingles with his taste on your tongue and you pull away to discover the tears aren’t yours. Hyunwoo drops to his knees and buries his face against your stomach.

Your eyes close, relishing the peaceful sensation that washes over you. You’re desperate for his touch, even if it can’t fend off the inevitable.

After a few minutes of silence, you finally decide to voice the question bouncing around in your head. “Where are we?”

Hyunwoo rises to his feet and entangles his fingers through yours, leading you inside and into the living room. Now that the shock has worn off, you glance around your surroundings. The apartment was fully furnished and artfully decorated. A plush couch sat across from you and the rest of the room was decorated in a way that made the room feel warm and welcoming.

“You’re asking the wrong questions.” Your core clenches as you drink in the the familiar rasp of his voice. He moves close enough to you that you can feel his hot, sweet breath on his face.

You stare around you, trying to comprehend why you’re there while simultaneously fighting the dizzying effect of his presence.

“Whose apartment is this?” You ask so quietly you aren’t sure he’d even heard it.

His mouth drops to your ear and he whispers. “Ours.”

You push him away and stare at him, trying to make sense of what he was saying. “I don’t understand.”

“This is our normal.” He explains, spreading his hands. “This is our sanctuary.”

“What?”

“It’s my old apartment. From before I was with Starship. It’s in my parents name and I haven’t used it in forever. I still pay for it, as a just in case.”

You walk around the room in a slow circle. Hyunwoo’s eyes follow you, but he stays rooted in his spot as you take in his words.

“Here we can be Hyunwoo and Y/N. Nothing between us,” he continues.

You turn back towards him. “Except the secrets.”

Hyunwoo crosses to you so swiftly, you barely have time to process his reaction before his arms are around you. “Not between us. Nothing between us.”

“Oh, Shownu,” You sigh, purposefully using his stage name. “Everything is between us. Can’t you feel it?”

“I don’t want it to be.” His eyes plead with you and you see the agony reflected in them.

You pull away from him and hold out a hand, signalling for him to stay back. “I've spent the last two weeks trying to figure out what I’d done wrong. Because I don’t believe loving you is wrong.”

His stance shifts, eyes going distant. “Perhaps for you. I stayed away because I felt it was unfair. I felt like I was leading you on.”

“And this isn’t doing just that?” You cry out as your heart breaks all over again. “Why are we even here?”

“Because I need you.” He bites out the words harshly.

“But you don’t love me.” You whisper.

Hyunwoo runs a hand through his hair and he shakes his head. “I told you there’s no room in my life for romance. I can’t risk it.”

“What mixed signals you give me, Leader-nim.” You practically spit the words at him. “That’s a dangerous thing to do to a girl like me. What is this? A place to fuck me in? A little hideout your precious Monbebe’s don’t know about so you can keep your whore a secret because you can’t have me showing up in press?”

“That’s not what this is!”

“Then tell me what it is.” You plead, your anger faltering, “because I’m trying to understand. I really am.” You’re desperate to understand, because even as you stand there so close that you could reach out and touch him, you feel as if he’s slipping through your fingers.

Hyunwoo’s jaw tightens, and when he finally turns the full force of his gaze on you, you stagger back a step as it smolders through you. “I have worked my ass off to get to where I am right now. I have a responsibility to not only my fans, but also to the company to the rest of the group, to my parents, and most importantly to myself.”

Hyunwoo crosses the distance between you and you don’t stop him as he draws you roughly against him, cupping your chin firmly in his hand. “I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m just trying to protect not only me, but you as well. I don’t want this to destroy you.”

“It already has.” You mutter.

His hands drop away from your face in defeat. “I never meant for this to happen.”

“I know, but I’m a big girl, Shownu. You can’t control me. You can’t control who I love.”

“Stop.” He demands, and you can’t make out if he’s ordering you to be quiet or to stop loving him.

You aren’t capable of either. “That’s why I can’t stay. I can’t pretend that everything’s okay. I can’t pretend not to love you. I think that would hurt worse than leaving you. I’m sorry, Shownu, I can’t be your secret.”

“One night.” He says, his voice simmering with longing. “Stay with me one night and if you can walk away in the morning, I’ll let you go.”

You shake your head even as the words you said to Kimi earlier replay in your mind: ‘You never know when you’re with someone for the last time.’

“Let me show you.”

Your resolve crumbles under his blazing eyes. If you leave now, you will always wonder what would have happened if you did not stay. Going to bed with him will tear you open and rip out your heart, but the break will be clean. No regrets. No reason to turn back.

Your fingers tremble as you find the hem of your shirt and draw it over your head. Hyunwoo freezes and watches you as you strip off your jeans. Your bra and panties quickly follow until you stand before him completely naked. “One night.” You agree.

Someday he might look back and hear the truth behind your words, but today wasn’t that day.

Hyunwoo quickly sweeps you up into his arms and carried you towards bedroom, his lips pressing urgent kisses to your neck up to your jaw as he trails his mouth slowly toward yours. Desire ignited in your core as he captures your lips, parting them so that his tongue can sweep into your mouth. Your hands slip under his shirt and you push it off of his shoulders.

One final night to last a lifetime.

Laying you carefully across the bed, Hyunwoo hovers over you as you reach down to tug open his jeans and push them down. He kicks them off and moves between your legs, his thick cock finding its way to your entrance without guidance.

One final night of connection.

“You are so fucking beautiful.” The low rasp of his voice sends a shiver over your skin.

Hyunwoo pushes your legs wider and grips your hips as he slowly sinks into your slick heat. You feel the pleasant strain as your body welcomes the substantial girth of his shaft.

The position was intimate, and it was impossible to escape each other’s eyes and the questions they held. Hyunwoo wasn’t take you, he was appealing to you. You feel his confusion as acutely as you feel the fevered heat of his skin. In that moment, it was impossible not to see through one another. Hyunwoo’s hands clutch your back, stilling your movement, and you understand the unspoken request. He wanted to make it last.

One final night of wholeness.

He pulls out only to lower himself back inside, and you buck up against him, impatience winning out over restraint, but his hands clutch your hips in warning, holding you steady and making it known that he would be completely and totally in control.

Your index finger traces the curve of his face, mapping it. You brush it over his lips, memorizing their soft fullness. Your eyes meet his, and you fix the truth you see shining from them in your mind as your hands travel over his body, committing every inch of him to memory.

Your fingers slip into his hair, knitting through it and tugging slightly. Hyunwoo repositions himself and crushes you into the bed as he hits the spot he knows will make you lose yourself to him. Your fingernails sink into his shoulders, anchoring you as he drives his cock savagely inside you. A cry escapes your lips as you swell around him, pleasure takes root and travels slowly through you body.

Hyunwoo’s hands tighten as his cock drives into you tirelessly. You crash into each other, colliding and connecting, bridging and breaking. Each touch desperate. Each kiss pleading.

“Say it, Y/N.” He coaxes hoarsely.

His wish is your command.

One final night of domination.

“Hyunwoo,” You breath out. “I love you.”

His eyes close as his cock spasms against your velvet channel, pouring inside of you, and you tumble over the edge with him, unwinding in his arms. The pleasure splinters across your limbs in brilliant fireworks that fragment as they rain through you. You ride the torrent of pleasure as you repeat the words. And repeat them and repeat them.

You repeat them to fill a lifetime.

One final night of affirmation.

Hyunwoo doesn’t release you as he collapses onto the bed, instead he intertwines his limbs with yours until there is no beginning and no end to the two of you. You lay in silence until you feel him harden inside of you, and then you begin to move again.

“I will never have my fill of you. I crave you, Y/N. I crave your body, your taste, your touch. Without you…” He trails off, his eyes flashing with pain. “I….I….”

And then he’s pumping into you again, fulfilling you the only way he can and you cling to him.

One final night of words unspoken.

\--

You slip silently from the bed, untangling yourself from Hyunwoo’s sleeping form when the alarm clock on the bedside table read six am. He’d only just fallen asleep a few hours ago. He’d fucked you with his mouth and cock until you were near collapse, as if he knew the moment he withdrew from you, you would vanish.

You spent yesterday in bed, only leaving to feed yourselves before returning back to each other’s bodies, but even as you laughed and lived and touched one another, you forced yourself to make a thousand silent goodbyes.

Goodbye to that sexy mouth that curved so effortlessly into a smirk in the bedroom. Goodbye to that tangle of silky, black hair. Goodbye to his protective streak. Goodbye to the moment of deliberate hesitation before he fills you.

Goodbye to the man you love.

You dress quickly and find a pad of paper in the kitchen. In the end, you realize there are no words. You said what you needed him to hear already. Anything else would just be an excuse, and you can’t bear to leave it that way when you both know the truth. You both see the wall standing between you and you both know you can’t tear it down alone.

You leave the keychain on top of the paper. This apartment had been yours for one perfect, bittersweet day.

Stopping at the door, you close your eyes and search for the strength to walk through it.

“This is it?” His voice startles you from your concentration, and you whip around to face him. He didn’t bother to get dressed and his body was tense, bracing for your response. You see the torment in his eyes, and you fight the urge to comfort him.

“I’m sorry.” You hold your hand up, knowing if he touches you, you won’t be able to go through with it.

“Y/N.” He look at you with a sadness that twists through you, but he doesn’t come any closer. “Please.”

You close your eyes, unable to take the sight of his beautiful face and shake your head as your fingers close over the doorknob. “I can’t be your secret.”

Pushing open the door, you stagger into the hallway as he calls after you. You run, but you can’t escape the pain, and forgo the elevator completely in favor of the stairs.

You need to stay in motion even as your world ceases to exist, even as it all collapses around you.

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to request any idol or ship or what have you, please feel free to do so either on here or on [Tumblr](http://t-o-p-madam.tumblr.com/).  
> If you would like to scream about K-Pop, K-Drama, or life with me you can find me [here (Tumblr)](http://huangjungnim.tumblr.com/) or [here (Twitter)](https://twitter.com/MANGsGirl).


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